Wednesday, November 04, 2009

Afterglow

I had an inspirational moment tonight and pulled this piece together for my journal. This phrase is oh-so-perfect for mom. She would not have wanted us to be sad. Fersher.

Afterglow? Oh yes.

I wrote on the back "I miss you today but not as much as tomorrow." I somehow feel each day will be a little lonelier without her. I have to say though, I'm really doing ok. Having as much time with her as I did, it's good. Wow. How fortunate am I? Pretty darn fortunate to have her in my life, period.

Getting it "all" done. Perhaps once there's nothing left to do, and once the celebration in her honor is over, it will hit me like a ton of bricks. Probably at the most awkward moment ever. Like when my dad's passing hit me. At the closing for our house in Leesburg before moving to Nashville. Oy. How embarrassing!

I spoke with, well im'd, with my brother Johnny tonight. I have to admit, tears rolled. Talked to him about how it hasn't really hit me yet. I'm thinking once I go back to visit the nursing home, it will. Perhaps that is why I'm avoiding them. Well, not avoiding them, but purposely not visiting yet. Funny, I seem to fight it off every day. Halloween afternoon, it took every thing in my power to stay away from the cupcake shop and buy extra special, spooky cupcakes for them. Everything in my power! Today, I went into town again to check up on the notes I'm having printed. It's right down the road from mom's old place. (Again, the roads were closed off. Daig! Gov. Bredesen was speaking. Lordy have mercy. Haven't been there in months and all of a sudden, it's the hottest thing since sliced bread!) Anyway, I thought about going over. Not quite ready. Not yet. They've been family for the past six months, ya know. Love them.

Saying prayers for a special friend.
Picked up mom's ashes.
Sleeping.
Thinking of food to cook for the celebration.
Present for new baby.
Memorial cards?
Eating too much, but still keeping a close eye out. wink.
Obit sent to The Post. Thanks to my bro Johnny who wrote it. Damn. He's good.
Remembering my friends at Riverside -- some of the best times in my life.
Loving all the memories pouring in.
Feeling the love of my mom, always.
Feeling all your love too.

So many emotions. So much love everywhere. Thank you to the best family ever --the hub, the kid, the teenager, all my brothers, my SILs, nieces, nephews, aunts, cousins. And all of you. Who have become so close, somehow, through this silly blog of mine.

Truly, I am blessed by you all.

xo
ro

8 comments:

Rosa's Yummy Yums said...

You are courageous. Yes, you are very lucky to have had her in your life.

Take your time with the grieving and never supress your emotions/feelings.

Cheers,

Rosa xoxo

Snap said...

You were lucky in so many ways. I wish I had the relationship with my mother that you had with yours. Tears are good -- for the soul -- to share your *water* with us and your words is an honor. Thank you. Hugs to you and yours --

Queenly Things said...

I know we all have to go there sometime and I'm taking lessons from you now. Will be here when you need me.

Jeanie said...

Oh, Rosemary -- this is such a beautiful, honest, open post. I "see" you smiling with memories, lonely, sad. So expressive. So eloquent.

I suspect you're right about the ton of bricks, and that's just fine, my friend. I've always thought of grieving as the payback we must offer for loving so much.

Move in your own time, own space, own heart. You'll know the moment when it's right for you to venture on once familiar paths again -- the time when you're ready. And know we're here for you. More hugs than you know, j

Pearl said...

Your creation for your journal is just beautiful. I know how hard it is trying to deal with all the feelings you are having right now. Hold tight to your memories. They will make you stronger.

Hugs,

Pearl said...

Your creation for your journal is just beautiful. I know how hard it is trying to deal with all the feelings you are having right now. Hold tight to your memories. They will make you stronger.

Hugs,

Thrifty Miss Priss said...

oh sweetie! I can't begin to know how hard this is.....and you are right..it will hit you hard at different times. Let it out....you will feel better. Even though your mom would not have wanted anyone to be sad, it's perfectly normal! Keep writing in that journal! That piece is beautiful! It will help so much!

And I'm sure all the sweet people at the facility where your mom was are thinking of you with heavy hearts- When the time is right you can go back, with treats of course!
XoXo
Robin

Beth said...

Your always in with me! Holding you close in my thoughts.
Love ya, Girlie!
xoxoxox

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